What Makes Me Hurt

• Created March 11, 2021

I wake up in the night with chills.

Flashes of my nightmares are of the memory of us.

I can’t breath.

I feel hot.

My heart hurts

no matter how hard I clutch my bosom.

I think I’m having a heart attack.

I cough up red.

Am I bleeding?

Or is this something deeper than blood?

What crawls under my skin when I feel alone?

I must be infested with something.

A bug?

Did it invade my mind and trigger the dopamine?

A bullet triggered?

Am I shot in my heart?

What makes me hurt?

I think I’m dying.

I think I’ve overdosed on...

I might’ve gotten drunk on...

What am I wasted on?

I wasted time.

I should’ve tried harder.

I should’ve fought for us.

Now I pay the consequences

and it’s killing me.

I think I’m still in love.